emptiedme

2006-10-26T01:55:00.001+08:00

These are images taken from my trip on SuperStarVirgo & the camp at Redang.

I'd love to share images of my experience from star-gazing at the beautiful beach while enjoying the "land-breeze" and my experience from Snorkeling - a 1st for me, but I can't cos my cam is just not suitable xD . The corals are beautiful n the fishes are so HUGE O.O i touched the X'mas Tree Worms and various types of Sea Cucumbers. I dunno how to swim! so it was pretty scary. We had an activity which was rafting for FEMALES ONLY! Though I was a lil' shaky at first, I calmed down later on cos' my tribe built a very steady raft made of barrels, pvc and tyres. lawl. we were the LAST grp though. haha. but i still lurve it! hmmm.. then there's the last nite, i learnt more about the stars & constellations from LJJ ^^ n shared ghost stories with the peeps at bunk 543. We drank but didn't get drunk, we sang till late at nite, we had a blast esp for TLC = The Leadership Challenge. Our tribe; Navajo *pronounced as Na-va-ho, meaning Cultivated Leaders* expected to get 5th out of 6th tribes but we got 3rd! whee~ I've learnt alot from this journey and will always cherish those sweet n tough memories x] if i have any more images, i promise to post them here too. ^^

*-joanne

pouring it out...

2006-10-23T09:46:00.000+08:00

recently, some unfortunate events have led to the discovery that my mum's health is deteriorating faster than expected..
She puts up a front for us all..even me so that we won't worry so much. i feel so torn, so tormented watching her in this state where she takes the blame of our (my brothers & i) pain as she kept repeating the words: i feel so helpless i can't even protect my own children from myself..

i'm assuming that those reading my blog will EMPATHISE on my situation not CRITICISE nor PITY me. my cell group mates: Pamela, Alycia, Lee Kian & Dennis (who is also my cussie) r the first few to have witnessed my family in a total wreck as mum n i cried so hard that our whole body shook, eyes swollen n our wails could be heard beyond the 4 walls of our house. i wish mum knew how much i look up to her, how much it aches my heart to hear her utter those words of self-pity n self-worthlessness. She is more than any mum could ever be to me. She is the only one who can sense my tears through my smiles no matter how much i put on that cool facade. she knows how lonely i m in school bcos im so afraid to b hurt again (recently 2 ppl i trusted most in sch gossipped abt me so badly that EVERYONE in our circle of friends knew the rumours) n i don't want history to repeat itself. Mum is always there for me as I am for her. She lifts me up with her warm hug, her loving smile, her every gesture, she inspires me to b a more giving person... Do u know, even when mum only had $2 in her wallet once, after buying me a plate of chicken rice at a hawker centre cos i was so hungry.. she didn't buy anything for herself though she was hungry as well. Instead, this old lady happened to come by n she was eating leftovers from table to table.it really broke our heart to see that.. mum went to buy her a meal with the $2 she had left. Though i feel sad for the old lady,i got angry with mum for her kind deed. sigh.it seems like mum is such a sweetheart yet her life is so bitter. why why why?
Damned im getting EMO!! :[ but well, im glad to have wonderful lovely *muahmuah* ones around me n of cos thank you God for being my ultimate friend. i miss retard n he's always there for me i know(:

PS: To the ppl who keep asking me about bf(s), pls understand this.
I AM SINGLE BUT I AM IN LOVE WITH GOD AND SO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL I SAY I HAVE FOUND SOMEONE I LOVE TOO THAT REMINDS ME OF GOD AND IF YOU'RE NOT THAT SOMEONE DON'T TRY SUCKING UP TO ME!
thankew ^^

Dear Lord, I thank you for every moment you give me with mum. Every second is precious, every day seems so bleak for me. Having a life without mum is almost like not having a life at all. I really thank you God for reviving mum once, before my very eyes, and if there's another time that calls for your miracle work again, i truly hope you will do the same. Lord, I was told by so many people recently that when you ask, you shall receive. I know it means when I ask to be more like you, I will be granted and so, I ask that you bless the relationship I have with my brother, Jerome, who was once so close to me, we were known as chopsticks yet now we are as distant as the end of two continents. I hope that you remove this invisible wall around him and let me penetrate it with your greatness and love. Help him follow your path again. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

A Song By Me

2006-10-09T17:02:00.000+08:00

Made outta pure boredom. lawl x]

I wake up in the morning,

Was thinking of u

Staring outta the window,

There's nothing to do.

So i picked up the phone,

Got ready to dial

Then decided, oh hell,

why not wait awhile.

You never knew

How I felt inside,

You never knew

You were on my mind

I keep waiting for you

What should I do Oh Baby..

I just wanna say..

I love you.

On my way to school,

Or a stroll down the beach

You filled my thoughts

You made my heart itch

I miss you so much

Baby don't you go

I keep missing you (missing you)

Missing you...

You never knew

How I felt inside,

You never knew

You were on my mind

I keep waiting for you

What should I do Oh Baby..

I just wanna say..

I love you.

How do I say?

What would you do?

When should it be?

Where should I choose?

The perfect time to show you my heart cos..

You never knew

How I felt inside,

You never knew

You were on my mind

I keep waiting for you

What should I do Oh Baby..

cos I just wanna say..

I love you.

You never knew Oh Baby..

I love you...

Tired, Sick, Moody

2006-10-09T11:44:00.000+08:00

dam i can find so many reasons to rant now but then it'll be pointless. Just wanna say im in a terrible mental state now let alone physical. The stress is getting to me! boohoo.mi n cussie had a "debate" over the phone jus now. Waste my money! lmao. He so deserves to b in the debate team man xD well, it's decided that i get PS onto my lappy b4 anything else den fix the pc but poor mommy! :[ and jus now i was in class n crazee ass joe called n i rejected the call cos it was emitting noisy AND DISTURBING vibrations XD then he sms me something that got me pissed like instantly.but im alright now cos ge gonna lend me his 1GB memory Stick xD So SAD! today no response from memebers about the meeting so it will be postponed till tmr and WEDNESDAY.
All SP WSC members pls take note! gahh. falliny aslp. she'll end here ^^

*-joanne

Mid-Autumn Festival mood

2006-10-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

Boohoo. Won't be going for OUTREACH or service today. Going with mum tmr for service. Silly haze causing my whole family to fall sick. *coughs* I hope cussie has tons of fun and whole of my cellgrp ^^ i just found out Matthew Sir added me on msn! -faints- u guys dunno how shock i was. i was practically jumping around telling mum.haha. For the benefit of those who have no idea who he is, he's the officer of many student clubs of SP. also one of the most amazing and dedicated people ever(: i've linked his blog so check out my links xD oh and i've received feedback that my font or my textbox is too small! :[ which means i need a change in layout. oh well, gimme some time people. i WILL change it but not jus yet alright? thankew!
oh and though im still sick, i would like to offer prayers of thanks.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for sending all the wonderful people into my life. Time and time again, you let me cross paths with your followers, restoring and strengthening my faith in you along the way. Lord, thank you for blessing me with a breakthrough with my classmates. As you know, I seem to be having a hard time adjusting to them eventhugh we've been in the same class for the past half-year. Please guide me, Lord. Please help me understand them better. I feel that yesterday's advice from Justin was a message from You through him. Lord, help me fit in. Why can't I ever fit in? I always feel out of place. Why?
Thank you Lord for the wonderful experience in LTC. I felt like I was so carefree and I know you were the one who took away my burdens and helped me bond with some friends. Dear Lord, teach me to handle those gifts you gave me. Once again, thank you for all the joy you have given me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

To my dearest best friend...

2006-10-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

You know who you are. Wonder if you'll ever read this. I was worried sick just now after the call. I shed tears immediately. the moment i heard your voice, i knew something wasn't right. You know you mean so much to me. So much more than anyone can understand. It's like our bond is beyond what people would term "relationship" at this age. We both know that this is something special and our unique friendship will always burn brightly and lead us out of darkness. As you have said I am your light, So are you to me. You are my source of comfort, love, shelter and care. You are God's gift to me. Remember this...
A Friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.

I love you my dear friend. Always will. ^^

Continuation..

2006-09-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

ok this is a lil' late but yea.. well,
on the last nite we played this game about some radiation and how we gotta neutralise it.
Aim: Transfer the tin of "neutraliser" into the bucket of radioactive liquid. You MUST make sure water level is at scotchtape and that no matter what, no spills!

Lawl.that game is the same as the one i played during my NPCC ATC & my Y.E.S camp. xD
anyway, we got like 4th for tat game though we did spill a lil' hehe.oh n i was abit rude too cos i kept shouting orders.so sorry to all of Navajo for that! >.< After that we were suppose to have some talent quest thing but fortunately it got cancelled cos many of our tribes weren't prepared for it due to the tight schedule of activities. We were all suppose to head to bed but well, some of us headed all over the place instead. xD
I went to the beach n met plenty of other tribe members there, lying on the tanning chairs, enjoying the cool breeze and the MAGNIFICENT view of the scintillating stars.
It's the most beautiful sight ever! if it weren't for those darn mosquitoes.. and the fact that i felt so lonely under such 'romantic' circumstances, I'd have loved to stay there through the night((: seriously, it's so gorgeous and there were MANY shooting stars. Stars in the sky really BLINKED! gosh how i wish i get that sight everytime i look out my window x] im a lover for star-gazing though im not so good at the 'technical' stuff.lawl.i was real lucky though cos SQ was like sharing with me how important memories are n that we're all young, friendship is wayy more important and all. i totally agree with him. i mean.. when we start a friendship, we don't worry about d possibility of us 'breaking up the f/s' but when we're in a r/s we worry abt it all da time. Also, we both believe that if he/she is the one, there's no denying it so when the time comes, you'll know it ^^
We sang at the KTV there and it was so much fun! For one, we had plenty of talented singers among us((: Another is we had alot of fun "distorting" some songs. xD there was also the part abt me refilling water n being so blind dat i had to get Su Su to accompany me.lmao.
I totally adored those moments @ camp. Even during bed time when all of us were meant to be slping.. lawl.. this sounds abit wrong but well, some of us girls decided to head to the guys' bunk n chat/hangout through the night. ridiculous as it seems but it was so much fun. i learnt alot from LJJ abt the star signs and that i can be a great leader if i feel comfortable n all ^^ then we talked on abt some personal stuff that is a lil' outta this world but i wont share it here =p

The journey back was also really fun-filled. sitting with Nigel is truly great cos he tells great jokes n we share alot abt ourselves. SOME VERY BORED PEOPLE went to take shots of us aslp side-by-side in that "aww.. so sweet" position. lawl. Then there's the part where i sang on the bus with Chrislyn ^^ n the part of taking sneak shots of Alan aka F Cup. Oh n Guo Liang LYING ON CHRISLYN's shoulders *winks* lmao.okayy im naughty xD oh n guoliang being the annoying ass he is. lmao. we really had a blast throughout the whole time. i rmb some "suicidal attempts in jokes" too. lawl. like Guo Liang looking at my hp n askin me y is it Yuna-Themed and not Tuna. I kept saying he's SELFISH (cos he didnt wanna help me carry my stuff in his pouch at first) n then i replied: Cos they don't SELL Fish! lmao. ok lame la but that's the outcome of mixing with him k! lawl. He, Geswin, Alan & Marcus FLOODED my camera with their photos! like WTH!@$%$!@#! lawl.but oh well, if they had looked a lil' better, i wouldnt have mind this much xP
oh n our bus (BUS 4) reached singapore first! like 30min earlier than the rest =p whoohoo! ^^ well, dunno wat else to say.. hmm. oh shared a cab home with edison, Su Su, & WeiLing ^^ Thankew Alex,SQ & Su Su for helping me carry my ultra heavy inconvenient luggage during my journey n Guo Liang for FINALLY agreeing to keep my passport in his pouch xD

Thankew to all those sweet people who made a difference in my life((:
Thankew to all LTC peeps for making this experience so special n enjoyable for me!
Thankew God for keepin me safe despite all my doubts and for looking after my family while i was away.
Thankew teachers/ facils and all involved in making LTC happen.
Thankew to ME for being ME! the ever crazee ever cute joanne! lawl xD

Sch Re-opens -> FLASHBACKS

2006-09-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

zomg it's been ages since i've blogged! lmao. Well, where should i start? hmm.

Today
Was @ the CCA Drive again (like the past 2 days) except i remembered to bring my lappy n was 1hr late to set up the booth! woke up with a splitting headache though im not sure what caused it. Got another 3 people to join! girls ^^ yay i lurve girls! lawl. wait. that sounded so wrong. wahaha. WeiJian was like addicted to Miele n i cos he was pratically stuck to our booth! lawl! as usual, spotted tons of LTC mates, made new friends like Clara from Dance, Val from CSS, and the OTHER camwhore from LTC - Gaswin. lmao. rest of the day was darn boring 'cept the preview of League 1's momments. For those of u who dunno wth L1 is or who the other camwhores are, pls read the part where i uncover my journey on my camping trip ^^ DAMNED we didnt get to see the facils shake their booties n reveal their sexy mid-sections! imma check out where i can get the vid n add it up here. ^^

Redang Trip / LTC
Whee~ I can't wait to share with u about my awesome camp; Leaders Of Tomorrow Camp. Basically, this camp is open to all committee members of the club with P & VP as priorities of cos. My club was given 5 seats but dammit everyone aint going 'cept me. Anyway, let's see, i missed the part where my tribe comes up with a tribe name, tribe cheer, tribe flag. There's 2 Leagues involve in this camp. 1st was those attending from 18-22 Sep, next is 20-23 Sep (the one i attended) fees were jaw-droppingly cheap! like mine was less than $100 x] On the first day, we spent most of it on board Superstar Virgo. Holy Shiat the ship was huge. lmao. wierd though cos the cabin was like so tiny. only those who got corner ones had the larger cabins (abt twice the normal size) but the down-side for them is they gotta walk a LONNNNGGGGG stretch of corridor to reach the bloody lift. lawl. We spent most of the time doing our own stuff-free & easy. The feeling or having strong wind whip ur hair about is indescribable. Though, it can get so strong that if ure sitting cross-legged on the top deck, u might feel slightly unbalanced xD Our tribe came up with the wild ideas for Talent Quest n finalised on presenting our version of "Survivor" which revolved around voting Nigel or Alex off. It's meant to be hilarious cos we came up with a 1001 lame excuses,reasons or w/e u call 'em. Nigel, being the black guy, was so nice to suggest racist remarks against him. lawl. have u ever seen anyone attack themselves b4? well, if u havent, please meet Nigel. He's like the #1 crazee ass joker((: We took tons of group pics n made like 100s of frens. Icebreaker thing was dam lame. Chrislyn n I went around greeting the ppl we knew n said "oh hi u r So-n-so right? im So-n-so." lmao. like wth how u know someone's name if u supposedly dunno them! haha. The entire day was spent eating n playing. ALL meals on board the cruise AND at Redang Resort were BUFFET MEALS! so i guess a few sessions of running wif Mr Armour Plate should be in place. lawl. I have never in my life ate so much at camp! on the contrary, im the type who eat minimal during such stuff cos i dunno if the food is gd n ive got a blardy sensitive stomach.lol. Significant moments happened at nite. We were dead bored n its not very often we get to cruise so the gals n i left our cabins to explore the ship. AVTIVITY CENTRE IS CLOSED!!! like zomg?! then how?! we went to Mahjong Rm n no one was there to give us the damned tiles la. lawl. Weili, Chrislyn, SiuSiu & i went JACUZZI instead! woohoo. shiok larr. haha. after that i still couldnt slp so head out to find company. bloody hell guys made me n chrislyn hunt HIGH & LOW for them cos we were supposed to meet for a game of pool! %&$&*^*$#@$!$@# lawl. okok live n let live x] instead we found Alex n da rest at KTV thingy n gawd some of them sing like *piang piang piang* haha. the gals were good though.very good. ^^ OH n this GENEROUS lady came over n bought the guys like this bottle of liquor that's $550~! zomg right?!?! i want her to b my godma! haha. she (n this man) supposedly cruise every week?! like omyfuckingut how u get that sorta money man?! plus they dont work! aahh!!! lawl. aft the crazee partaying n a visit to da DISCO in our SHORTS & TEE, we all knocked out. guess what? my bunkmates n i were late for morning PT! like wottaworld there's morning PT~? it was some sorta dance thing larr.lawl n it started RAINING *phew* so we were spared some silly awkward dance moves. roflmao. Oh did i mention tat Alex carried my travel bag for me all the while? up until we had to alight the ship then i asked Su Su to carry it for me. ok im a BIG BULLY but that's what u get when u meet a crazee-ass-bossy-cheeky-naggy-noisy-tomboy girl! MUAHAHAHAHA. ok Su su thingy was like so impromptu cos we were just commenting on ages n age differences n apparently Mr. Not So Tall is already Not So Young BUT looks kinda young n then got dat EGO BOOST so i deflated it by calling him Su Su, reminding him how MUCH younger i am.lawl.btw, his real name is Wei Chee pronounced as Wei Qi which is like a girl's name! so he should be happy with Su Su k ^^ Oh then there's cute lil' SQ that's like a Da Ge wif Xiao Di Di look. SQ's name is also like a girl's name! -> Shi Qi x] wahaha. ok about the ferry ride, freaking rocky n bumpy n eew man. i totally needed those motion sickness pills, THANKEW CHRIS! -huggles- she's an awesome chic. Long hair with just-permed curls, cute sweet small eyes, lovely small n the likes. As we reached shore, we were soon hurried about cos our next activity was SNORKELING! we met League 1 at the ballroom, exchanged greetings, was welcomed by the winning tribe with their awesome tribal dance/cheer. EVERY single soul ws like 5 shades darker from b4! wtf man. The sun must have been like hot enough to cook eggs! lawl. we got dressed up for Snorkeling n put on the necessary equipments. whee~ i was dam excited n omymama the scenery was spectacular! i mean.. WOWZERS! the cliffs, greenery, seawater, tiny nearby islands n the beautiful sky was like.. omg PARADISE! soooooo lovely! i wish i could display every captured image in my mind to u but i guess that's the thing about camps, we experience it, images are jus 2D of what we saw. Da combination of wonderful sea breeze, hot sun, beautiful surroundings brought a rush of emotions to me, mainly happiness and peace. it's like u really drift into this space where u enjoy the moment there n then with no worries, no thoughts, just pure joy. GAWD and all this was NOTHING once u've seen the magnificent span of ocean creatures n corals. It's like way better than paintings, photographs n whatnot. u HAVE to experience it to really have max pleasure. many of us were "Finding Nemo" but only a lucky bunch actually did! haha. i saw "his relatives" though in black/yellow and black/blue. still very lovely. i especially enjoy the corals n ZOMYGUT the man (who drags me around cos i cant swim) showed me n the gals like so many variations of sea cucumbers n they're OH-SO-SOFT! I got to touch those HUGE almost-to-surface-height corals n the tiny, "furry-like" Christmas Tree Worms. We also spotted plenty of gigantic fishes n there's this one peculiar fish that had swaying translucent fins; purely amazing! heading back was like such a pain cos everyone couldn't have enough. Even for me, i was pretty scared out there cos of my waterphobia n the inability to swim, i even hesitated lotsa times to head back but the beautiful sights kept me back ^^ By the time we touched land, i was like dead-tired. haha. so we had da buffet dinner n guess what? my bloody lens broke! yea one side only though *phew* but tat left me half-blind cos i didnt have my specs wif me! ugh =.= it was so dark n those creepy night creatures with their scary calls jus made me a little spooked-out. yeayea, im a scaredycat kayss. xD

omg im like posting soooo long! i shall continue in next post. lmao. Tata for now!~ ^^

PS: a slideshow of some images i took is found on my main page ^^

deepinmyheart...

2006-08-06T03:10:00.000+08:00

thanks for taking me to the movie Pirates Of The Carribean. It was really a marvellous show and it was even better watching it with you(: rmb when we were in the carpark? having ur arms around me made me feel secure, ur presence makes me feel much safer. i havent felt secure for awhile now. thanks for giving me that feeling again. thanks for sending me all da way home too.. and going all the way back from WOODLANDS to PASIR RIS @ 1am. and u better take care larr! cough cough cough! =.=" dun make me worried can? BIG 2 and still dunno how to take care of urself! lol.. u know.. ure a great guy, give urself a chance k(: haha. to me ure almost perfect le. ure independent, hardworking, cute, fun, humourous, manly, charming, innocent, wise, caring, selfless, thoughtful and so much more! although i didn't say it but i hope u dun join the navy.. i mean.. it'd be sucha waste and it's like.. i'd so miss hanging out with u larr!.. anyways, Eric,sorry im such a pain in the ass man. lol. im lidat lar. you make me feel like ure a xiao di di which gives me greater pleasure annoying u! haha. retard, thanks for the late night convo. i know u love me hun. i love u too(: i love u that's y i nagged THAT much. i know i was being such an asshole but im jus really concerned about ur grades. so is DEAR n she's gonna give u 2nd round of nagging =X Dear, dont worry God will reward u with a loving guy maybe not so soon but u jus hafta wait patiently k? dont always be so negative k?it's not gd. everyone has his/her own probs but we hafta learn to deal with them ba(: speaking of all da love thing, working is starting to make me feel freakin' lonely. when i say LONELY i mean i wish i had a special someone kinda lonely. ugghh. sold 4 e61s today. time kinda flew, but looking at those many couples.. it jus made my heart twitch. single is great.. but maybe.. double is better?? lol. oh yess.. recently started missing some people and developing addictions to others! lol.
miss: Sunshine, toopid wongjunxin, stef hunny, terri sis, retard (i miss him 24/7), jerome (eventhough he's my bro), eric (dat small nokia promoter), dear (she is my dear ma!), many many more((:
addictions: Terrence (owl), retard (duh-uh), eric (sms him like whenever im bored), kenneth (even if ure at camp, its nice to chat wif u during the nights), etc etc...

well, i bet many of u are guessing who's da guy i went out with.. esp cos it's a late show. haha. not telling =X

oh yes, 4got to update this. on 4Aug (Friday) i went for FOP (Festival Of Praise) and it so ROCKED man! u guys who've missed it should check it out! it's at singapore indoor stadium. the unity of 200 churches across the nation, the presence of His holy being can be felt! i haven't spoken in tongues since my first time praying in it (which was more than a yr ago, btw) but gosh! i prayed in NON-mono-syllabul! it was a tremendous overwhelming feeling to be able to accomplish that! in utter elation, i couldn't keep myself still while singing praise & worship to God. would've jumped right off the ground if it weren't for those pointy shoes and of cos the "time-of-the-month". lol. okay.
gtg.
will pray in next post. nights all(:

ughh. bz day

2006-08-02T19:42:00.000+08:00

pls note that this post may contain explicit content. read at your own discretion.

been working on the poster for IDEAS till now. fuck man. finally completed it. Also, cos i was experimenting with some brushes, made a testi for the two guys who fill my life with smiles n relieve da sickening stress.

thanks you two(: okay finalise the fucking project now. worst part is. haven't had time to do fucking FE and da idiotic CRS. sucks man. im in deep shit tmr. fuck it. ugh. anyways, retard, cheer up k(: me still loves you loadsSsss. haha. don't go doing silly stuff. meet u one day to pass ya da 10yr series. oh no. FUCK. i'm working on wed & thur and im still not aslp plus got so many fucking projects. shit. okay. enough of brain damage done to myself. nites all.

yay! i'm in the COMPETITION

2006-07-31T10:56:00.000+08:00

yay everyone(:
i'm in this competition!
pls pls pls VOTE FOR ME.
yes i am DESPO now. wahaha

click here to view the competition
click here to see my entry pic(:
Please VOTE thru MSG.

``+__CoOl SuNsHiNe GiRl__+``

1- Yukiko
2- Joanne

thankies all!
=D

how i spent - my birthday

2006-07-29T14:41:00.001+08:00

Well, left home w/o makeup whatsoever. Darn it. Was late for school AGAIN. sigh. When i reached T15, it was already 8.15am. uggh. rushed through the whole process in less than 5min. F*** it man. haha. Basically, i hated the time spent in da classrooms. HOWEVER, i did enjoy Jun Rong's, Kai's & OWL Terrence's company((: u guys rock! =D Jun Rong is a darn gentleman. sooo nice(: he's also got really nice eyes. haha. Kai i love ur new hairdo man! woohoo ~ funky Terrence u lil' flirt! haha. okay, well.. maybe not so much a flirt la. he's a hunk who's got cloth FUSED to his skin! haha. gosh he's so much fun man. we teased each other like hell. wahaha. took LOADSA pic of him so he'd better not bully me.. haha. OH well, dam blardy disappointed with my class man. haha. only Lim Dar, Justin n Pearlyn wished me happy birthday. Even 1A03 had more ppl wishing me lar =.= sigh. sad sia. Thanks to Gary, he changed my day(: he brought me to have dinner at this really awesome jap restaurant with authentic jap chefs! haha. b4 that though, wasn't very happy. i had to go LIDO take hps from Miele and they keep rushing me! it rained like hell. jie n eric asked me to ask Gary drive them over to Paragon.. then jie took too long to come out. toopid guard keep kpkb lar. uggh. i'm not in a great mood also cos i was already HUNGRY n dunnno y jie SO LONG =.=ll dunno la. haix. anyways, i had such a HUGE dinner. like this beef thingy with rice, potato salad, soup, fried tofu, fried shrimps(i think), peach chattai (peach flavoured jap wine-sake) came home feeling high. haha. da ride was super shiok. thanks kor! ur car rocks man! =D he sent me all da way to my doorstep. im so lucky to have such nice god bros man. haha. Oh and.. sorry Fee fee.. =( i didn't meet u in the end cos gotta take those phones den not convenient n it was darn last min. sorry! Cam home n i was SOOO happy! Yan drew on this CocoCrunch paper and wrote "i love u" all topsy turvy around it and used as a WRAPPER for a present he bought for me using his piggy bank money! omg. i love him!! where else can u find a 5 yr old this loving! *cries* Moreover, he insisted to mum that i should have a cake n it must be from the shop that's at Admiralty where we always buy HIS cakes. so mum n him took a bus all da way down to get me a cake (black forest) instead of getting it from CWP (causewaypoint) which is 5min away only =.= Yan chose a toy car cake at first! LOL. mum told him im a big girl le so he changed to BF. haha. gosh i love him man. ahhh! haha. oohh n u know wat yan bought me as a gift?! LipGloss. da transparent dry-stick type that i use. omg right?! haix. i love him so so so much. my heart no space for other guys le! haha.
Anyway.. to those who keep wondering why i'm still single.. aiyo.. dunno what's wrong with this new generation man. is being Single a CRIME? why do ppl stare at me with O.O eyes when i say im SINGLE?! okay i admit maybe i can be attached if i want to but i feel like i haven't met the right one. I haven't met someone who'd love me inside out, make me smile all da time, pamper me, play with me, lend me their shoulder, ears, hand, etc. haha. also..i am REALLY NOT a ~~flirt~~ lar. toopid owl was only joking lar. i ~~don't~~ have the "attached" look and i don't have any "target" now! i always wait for the guy to approach me first.. then "test" him n see if he's persistent enough.. and zhi dong enough..aft that, then i'll consider if he's suitable, if we have any communication barriers pls take note, i dun wanna spend my r/s with someone who doesn't understand half of wat im saying. that's ridiculous! haha. okay. prayer time.

Dear Lord, although I felt disappointed today, I still enjoyed today. Thanks for always opening a door when the other one closes. I felt loved today. Thanks for giving me such a wonderful family. Once again, I hope you heal mum completely and bless her with the love of Daviad. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

images(:

2006-07-29T03:21:00.000+08:00

jus a charming smile(:

who's dis cutie?

lovedd(:

cake!!

my bday celebration with mum n yan(:

from Terrence(:

from Grave(:

from Stef hunny(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME(:

2006-07-28T03:23:00.000+08:00

yay i'm 17 now. haha.
I recorded down the people who wished me..
here's the list(:
(in no particulat order)
Dearest
Retard
Kian Hwee
Giovanna
Fee Fee (pranked me saying he's from NP traffic police)
Yuna Dexter
Kenneth Wong(:
JR.
Steffy hun
Yi An (prank me saying dat i left some msg den attitude me =P)
Terri sis
Nickt (thanks for ur healing kiss!)
sebastian
Jerry (i wished him first cos his was 1 day b4 mine!)
pearl mei (thanks for ur testi)
alvin ong
Jeremy Trevor
Melvin- crazy_madness87
MArk Chua
Xiao Zhu
Gene (asakurahaoforever@hotmail.com)
Steven da ah beng x)
Chistopher Ngoh
Shaun_andy
amanda..
Kashif!
Owl Terrence!! (thanks for the drawing n testi!)
Sweetperson
Grace (thanks for da cake drawing!
pearlyn
Jevan
Kio
Crestz
Tangy
Steffy's cousins n sis.

*phew*
long list..
haha..

and .. omg he said "love ya"! haha. thanks hun. haha. i'll help to sell as many tix possible.
PEOPLE come on buy tix from me.
x)
Oh and yes.. MUM i love you <33 of cos mum n yan wished me too.
WITH an extra HUG ^^

2006-07-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

so late.. sigh. came home sleepy. yet now im wide awake. gosh i can't stand it when i see couples now =( i feel so lonely! haha. this is so awkward. admitting it here knowing ppl visit my blog and all. Anyway, today's networking lesson was fun. Now gotta work on my script for tmr's CRS presentation on Euthanasia. Wish me luck guys(: well, hope i won't stay up too late again. haha. oh yes.. I didn't get to run today. Had to see Ms Wee regarding the draft of our presentation slides and Lionel had to do his FYP. all da best man!.. Jie thanks and sorry about just now. Received le~ okay guys.. i've got TWO announcements!

Happy 17th Birthday Zheng Yang!
I'm officially selling the tickets to FLOW! @ M.O.S

Tickets are selling at $20 per person.
18 and above only. Please produce I/C.

For "bulk orders" or purchase of more than 10 tickets, I will be selling at a special rate! First Come First Serve Basis =D

Call 8108 0766 or Sms 8188 6846 to for enquiries!

i miss u. Yes YOU. ;

middle of the morning with terr

2006-07-25T02:47:00.000+08:00

haha. Terrence i bet u didn't know but i was in a f***ing bad mood until i started chatting with u on msn(: thanks for cheering me up! the pervo thing is settled. thanks everyone for ur care and concern. Namely Shan Jie, Daryl Kah, Yan Ting and all others. Mum isn't going to the police YET.. but im not sure what she'll do next.

oh man.. gotta go to slp le..3am now! boohoo. tmr got a run with Lionel. yay(:
much needed run indeed. thanks man for acc. me.
kays. nights everyone. nights Leon n thanks fo finally replying me. lol.

stressed.

2006-07-24T01:30:00.000+08:00

haix. how? dam stressed. today's sales ain't tat great. probably cos i wasn't really in the mood to work and Cecilia was too tired. sigh. i had fun with Serene & Leon though. haha. motorola peeps are so fun(: Leon is one of those rare hunks who don't smoke and hasn't got a girl for a long long time. good right? anyone interested? I guess life's getting tough for all promoters now that Singtel's replacing us with touchscreens. ughh. the train ride home made me feel so damned lonely. sigh. now i know how painfully hard it is to accept that i can never get attached cos i simply wont choose to be with someone who likes me.. i need to have that connection! i dunno y but it's important to have tat connection. being home again, talkin to darling and dearest again made me feel less lonely.. yet.. haix.. anw, dearest if u wan a bf, go for it. how ur mum treat u is really unfair. i believe u have self-discipline. dont worry k? sweetheart is always here for u. at most wo pei ni zhao bf too. haha. i finally spoke to tony.. so wierd.. this guy.. he added me from my blog.. jus like how i added tony from his blog.. so shocking.. history repeating. im startnig to accept tony again into my life.. cos our friendship is too valuable(: retard i miss u so much! if only u knew! haha. hope things are turning for the better for u! mum's starting to fall for this italian guy and he likes her too! im sooo happy for her. i never saw her this excited and acting like some teenager since like.. maybe 7yrs ago? mummy i love u. i wish u knew just how much. i want what's best for u
and u deserver infinite happiness. i know u make mistakes but we all do. God forgives us and so should human. well, right now im glad Lionel agreed to go running on tue with me! haha. it's high time i had a run to distress man! moreover, i need to work towards tat bloody goal of losing TEN kg. haha. Clairia hunny thanks for ur advice! im actually very lucky eventhough im like dying here. cos when i work, i hardly think of school stress n family probs. haha. Da motorola, Sony ericsson, dopod, lg, samsung, nokia and benq promoters are kool(: Kenneth and Cecilia being the best! haha. although was kinda pissed with some UNKNOWN starhub staff who happened to hate my brand and dumped my brochures in da bin, i still love them all(: been slping at 4am these days. developed serious case of INSOMNIA le. haix. shit man. tmr's math test abt P&C + PRobability (according to Daniel). Thanks Justin fo reminding me! err.. what else have i missed out? hmm.. oh oh OH.. im NOT celebrating my bday cos:
i need to hand in toopid java SP Vending Machine (that has 6 drinks!) proj.
i end school at 5pm.
i need to work on Sat & Sun.
i dont have the $ to even buy a cake! =(
i dont have time to plan some sorta celebration
i dont have the mood to celebrate
i dont have a special someone to celebrate with..
haix.. i dam despo leh. wtf man. and im so emo these days. haha. Plus all da mood swings. sorry mum for sometimes throwing tantrums at u =X thanks sunshine for being my sunshine(: sorry.. now u know.. im wierd. haha. to the guys out there...
i wanna be loved but i dun dare to be loved. i wanna have a bf but i dun dare to have a bf. if i can meet someone who could help me gain my trust back, maybe i'd give r/s a shot again. but for now.. i think single still has its advantages(:

Dear Lord, thanks for blessing me with such a wonderful mum. Thanks for sending her Mr. D. Thanks for sending guardian angels to look after me. I can feel your love and presence, Lord. I hope you can help me further though. I need help in concentrating on my studies. I need help in accepting the fact that people can't accept me because i'm different. Lord, i need to sleep soon. Good night. Thanks for listening to my prayers. Amen.

slightly before midnight

2006-07-22T14:56:00.000+08:00

here i am, in my living room... thinking of my day, how i've wasted it. how i fail to value time. i feel so indistinct, insignificant... i start asking myself wierd questions...
Am I an ATTENTION-SEEKER?
Am I that different from the rest?
it's so hard to feel loved now. those times of joy seem so distant. my future seem so bleak. Mum is worrying me. Recently, she told her best friend that she's getting tired of life, of having to put up a happy facade when beneath that cool veneer lies an ocean of sorrow and pain. Aunty Lovis responded thoughtlessly.. she told mum maybe she should give up and that she's always bringing her bad luck.. and that mum may be burdening us... especially me. Jerome doesn't seem to know how hard the struggle is for both mum n i. Yet, his oblivion seems like a sort of comfort. sigh. life seems to lack of hope.. Until yesterday. Being at an adult cell group has undoubtedly made me realise that even adults make mistakes, even grave ones. All these have got me thinking... What should i do next? What can i do to improve our situation? i intend to work harder, in terms of both studies and my job. it's not gonna be easy but i'm tough enough(: just gotta get past the MAJOR obstacle - PROJECTS! i've got the mind-boggling, blood-boiling JAVA and da complicating FE, not to mention the oh-so-interesting CRS, plus the brain-cracking Networking AND my beloved IDEAS. WOW. wonderful isn't it? And for those who haven't noticed, my java is due on my BIRTHDAY! brillian eh? =.= i'm thinking of setting up an online shop as well, for side cash. Anyone able to lend a hand? Also, would like to give
special thanks to Alice Chia & Boon Khim from e-shop for the lovely birthday gift(:
i simply love receiving gifts, big and small, to me, they carry the meaning of "you are loved by me & you're special". maybe i think too much.. haha but who doesn't like gifts? i'd like to thank the people who fulfilled my wishlist. YOU GUYS ROCK! muackies!
OH yes.. and pls buy tickets to the event on 5th Sep from me(:

ok.. prayer time...

Dear Lord Jesus, I believe there was a purpose and reason for me ending up at BLK 518 yesterday. Let me be your instrument and do the wonder of your works. I believe in total healing and miracles. You have performed one for me on mum... Lord, I hope you can grant me another miracle. Heal mum's eyesight. Let her see the world in FULL view again. Let her feel your love and presence in our life. Thank you Lord for always shining your grace on me. Thank you for pardoning me of my sins and always sending people to reach out to me when I start turning away from everyone...even myself. You have opened my eyes and let me see a new world. A world showered in Jesus' blood. Please let that blood wash away the evil among us and heal my mum. I really wish that she can watch movies as she so love them. O Lord, is Daviad sent by you? Is he the one who will free us from our poverty? Who will shower me with the humanly father's love that I've never had a chance to feel? Lord, I am so confused, so worried, so sad. I begin to revert to my past self, demoralising myself and always feeling so low. I am so afraid I will turn back to my old ways and start self-manipulating... not loving myself like how you love me. I know you created me but I really wish you could tell me why my life, my thoughts, my actions seem so different from that of an average person? Lord, give me the strength to withstand setbacks and insults, guide me towards everlasting life with you. Help me seek the right way and follow your path. I ask these n Jesus' name. Amen.

in java class -.-

2006-07-17T11:20:00.000+08:00

Zzzz.. how did i manage to stay awake this long?! wahaha. soooo tired. slept at 2plus. toopid feet aching. ytd's working hours was a killer
ugh.. only sold 7 E61 =( NO S88!! aaahhhh!!! sad sad. boohoo.
Made frens with Jeannie ^^ she's nice(: err.. i dunno da promoters' names from
Motorola, Nokia, Sony Ericsson & Dopod. haha. spoke to them without knowing their name. Ah Ming sent me home. err.. made him wait awhile =X was kinda disappointed too cos was hoping Ryan & Rei would visit me at Westmall. da place was human infested man. haha. AND tony called me.. and sms-ed me.. haix..

err..hmm wat else..? staying back for proj. today! boohoo. got FE proj. , CRS DC, Java homework, NWKESS proj.! i dun die chai guai =.=ll err.. aiyo i dunno why Rei can't view my blog -.-" i'm using school's comp can lei.. den use laptop can too.
not fated to read ba. ha ha. oh yarr.. this morning, about 1am, i made a silly promise. this fren of mine insisted i'm pretty, i of cos insisted i'm NOT
he's a blardy handsome guy larr. he wont find me pretty de BUT i gey kiang, go promise him that he WON'T find me pretty.. and he said if he does, i must be his gf -.-ll i thot he's joking so i said "ok". darn it. i think he's serious man. no way hoseyy... r'ship is a serious thing. dun play play k. err.. ytd my "supposed ex-fling" asked me to be his gf AGAIN. i really dun think he's serious
-.-ll he makes me feel so dam insecure. haha. not my type =P err.. recently been having alot of this toopid stuff larr. like my past, working at McD, Sunplaza. Dé javu. so annoyingly annoying. ughh! when i was feeling ~~lonely~~, there wasn't a soul who cared! now that i'm happy being single and all, these stuff happens. why is life always so contradicting and ironic? dammit.

Announcement:

my birthday is 11 days away.
so is da due of Java proj! boohoo.
Retard's birthday is 3 days after mine.
Going M'sia for shopping spree one of these days~
going tanning with mum soon.

Prayer time
Dear Lord, although my sales was expected to have been better yesterday, I thank you for all 7 of it. Especailly the last two. It was totally unexpected for me. Lord, Please bless me and guide me through this stage of my life where I sin alot and lie alot. I hide things and begin to act like a hypocrite. I used to detest the sort but now I understand why they are what they are. I will do my best to follow your ways, not to stray. I will try harder and not rest on my laurels. Lord, with your help, I believe I can achieve this. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

darlin' steffy(:

2006-07-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

thanks to my daughter steffy for this msg:
teenage love, its not normal for that to last a long time. Mom there is a guy out there whose gonna b more then ur knight, more than ur prince....he'd b ur king. Theres a guy out there whose gonna just sweep u off ur feet and u'll feel like ur in heaven. You just have to wait for him......
dont waste ur heart on someone who u know is just wasting ur time, whose just playing with ur heart cus he has nothing better to do with his life.......

she is so totally right. i shall wait(: maybe it'd take me decades but i guess it's worthwhile. Today's meeting was.. bloody formal. haha. no other way to describe it. Thanks Shang Ming for always wasting time with me. haha. whenever im bored, ure there to pei wo(: Shu Ling, hope ure feeling better. seeing u cry, i felt so so bad. To Jie, just when we thought we had no more worries, HE throws more shit to us. i guess after all this, we jus gotta start thinking how to REBUILD the club n all. The COMMITTEE better work harder ^^ esp those 3 guys who were late. told lionel i'd spank them if they don't do a gd job. wahaha

i guess.. this is goodnight.. dun ask me about love and all. im not good at it anymore. i dont even understand it myself. does it exist? maybe.. but i only know of family love. the rest is just a fragment of my history. something that cease to exist anymore.

my day(:

2006-07-13T02:31:00.000+08:00

ohmygut.. class extended till 3pm. sorry Rei! anyways u piggy! u woke up late too! aiya fail FE le larr. haix.. CRS so interesting today. We watched this episode of the Get Real series it was about "We are becoming a throwaway society". kool right? =D
but boohoohoo! means i gotta meet Rei later. haix. i saw Rei at mrt. he is late! haha. aiyo he so.. how should i say.. he's got a kool hairstyle. ez to spot. we went to Esplanade, admired the art work along the way.. we enjoyed the view of that school of fish and tall buildings, wind whipping our hair (destroying his spikes) and he kept joking. haha. it was such fun hanging out with him. i laughed so much. i really have to thank him for such a beautiful day. even when he sent me home, we counted the stars. even after i reached home, i forgot to w/d $ n he RAN back to send me from my home to to civic centre and BACK home. he was wearing a tee n SHIRT so he was perspiring like hell. i felt so bad. thanks alot man. he was such a huney, carrying my bag the WHOLE day, accompanying me on my hunt for the toopid breadboard which costs freakin $8 total. Sim Lim tower is like.. MALE only. haha. so RARE to see my species there man. the guys practically OGGLE. next time mus wear all cover up. wahaha. overall, had a wonderful day.

Dear Lord, thanks for letting me experience such a great day. Rei showed me that second hand things can be really useful. He also showed me so much i never knew. Lord, i realise how lucky i am to have so many people who love me but sometimes, i feel lonely too. Why? Lord, please open my heart. I feel this tightness around it and it hurts. Today was the first time i REALLY let the happiness lead my way. I was so carefree. But all this is always short-lived. Lord, i don't know what all these wierd thoughts i have are. Please help me figure them out. Amen.

FE class =.=ll

2006-07-12T08:54:00.000+08:00

I'm having FE..was late for it..
There's a mini proj. n i 4got all abt it!
Moreover, my labmate isn't here. Darn it.
AND i ain't got no paper so i can't even get started =(
boohoohoo. Haix.. only thing to look 4wd to is AFTER sch.
Meeting Rei. he's gonna pei wo to my fave place to distress.
hope he prepared earplugs cos im gonna have a screaming fest
sigh.. Dear.. i realise aft ytd tat we r so diff =(
how..? should i change for u..? im so scared u know..
u remind me alot of my ex.. d only diff is.. ure so guai.. haix.
everything else including d way u speak is da same.
tat's y it's even more painful for me to think of r/s cos..
haix.. anyway, today u going to see doctor.. hope it's nothing..
take care k? u better find a way to eat properly.. if not..
wo hui gen zhe ni bu chi de.. ni zhi dao ma?.. ni shi wo de qi shi.

Dearest, bu yong pa ji mo. wo hui yong yuan pei ni de(:
u r my best fren, for now, forever. ^^
good luck for ur chinese oral! u can do it! muackies*
good luck kiss for u ^^

Retard, chat with u till 4am =.= no wonder im late. wahaha.
i miss u like hell buddy =(
wish ure here so i can punch u n hug u n act like some mad woman!
haix. i wish i could promise u tat wat u said abt "the mean thing"
is not true... but even i am not sure. maybe u're right? =(
Today ure meeting Nicole. I hope u have a great time(:

Brian thanks 4 making me realise tat there r more than 1 place to distress
i sooo need peace n all BUT i need a place to scream too.
ive a wierd way of distressing. i scream then cry silently then daydream.
hehe. im so queer right? i guess clarence u're right.. i AM queer. lol.

Jonathan aka Yippie. thanks for doing what u did. it touched me greatly.
However, don't waste ur time n effort. I've tried it before, it was futile.
although i hardly contact u, hope u know ure not forgotten(:
Stay hunky and glad to hear ur leg's healed. Be careful next time!

Recently, i joined this crazy network called Lovehappens.com
although i didn't find my "other half" there.. i found many great frens(:
Clarence, Rei, Jevan, Tom, Danny, Wei Qiang, etc..

talking to retard

2006-07-12T02:53:00.000+08:00

i miss retard loads n loads.
i doubt im actually listening to him but jus hearing his voice
im so happy le ^^

BUT u naughty guy! u fail math =(

ok i jus wanna say too..
NEW BLOGGEH! =D

Friday?

2006-07-08T03:35:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. didn't attend school. not well.
thinking about the past week.
first i'd like to say how much fun i had with Yan(:
Darling boy is so cute. watching Superman Returns with him
was like one of the happiest days of my life.
Although he was pretty alkative throughout the movie n
he did some ridiculous movements like banging against the chair,
I guess it's pardonable cos he's only 5(:
The movie was definitely worth spending $16 on for a baby n me. haha.
it's a great show! Go catch it! Movie times here(:
went out with TCC that day.. went to Orchard. Got to knw him better(:
he's really brand-conscious but also VERY GENTLEMANLY!
haha. he's quite gd-looking too. only reason he's still single is
probably cos GFs are COSTLY these days! wahaha. (like me)

my pathetic pc is down. im have no grp for Networking, my java skills suck
FE is gonna get tougher, Maths is a total disappointment n..
im feeling like a freakin loner these days! -.-"

hmm.. recently had some conflicts with a particular classmate.
i guess u cant always expect everyone to understand u. what u can do
is try to prove them wrong(:

thanks pearlyn for great advice(:

thanks tony dear for being there for me ALWAYS, my knight, my inspiraton, my souce of comfort(:
thanks jie for being a great jie n taking gd care of me

thanks Steffy for filling my life with purpose n joy

thanks terri sis for being the one who gave me courage, strength, loves me for my wild ideas
thanks Nicole for touching my heart with ur words(:

thanks to my NNcubies for simply being there

thanks retard for burning midnight oil n making me proud

thanks Shang Ming for helping me in stock take ytd

thanks Justin for always doing me small favors they wont go unnoticed =)

thanks mum for waking me up early in the morning n preparing a sumptuous brekky for me
thanks jerome for calling ur fren up automatically when i told u my pc spoilt

thanks yan for being my miracle, my love, my everything

thanks to my teachers of all modules for being understanding n patient with me

thanks angie of beingglam.blogspot for being understanding n caring(:

thanks to the frens ive made from LoveHappen.com for adding more fun n adventure in my life(:
thanks Kenneth for taking pic with me on ur Grad Day(ytd) n i was in some ugly outfit

thanks TCC for being my companion n always being gentlemanly.

well, hope i didnt miss out thanking anyone. time for prayers(:

Dear Lord, thanks for showing me the way to appreciate the people around me.
i realise now that i was wrong to always ask n complain when i should have stopped, think n realise the goodness around me. i do have some materialistic desires that im sure u know of.. i was really lonely until u sent someone special to be there for me and care for me. thank you Lord. Please show me how I can appreciate him better and how i can show my sincerity. I believe in fate, Lord. If this is your will, I will be more than glad to accept it. Lord, give me the courage and strength to fully trust again. Please help me, I do not wish to be like my past, having to always take precautions. it is so tiring. Lord, thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful family. Mum is the best for me. She understands me inside out and loves me no matter what. Jerome may not know how to show it but i know deep down he really loves me. I wish he n i could share that brother-sister bond we had when we were in the Home. Yan is a constant joy although he can also be annoyingly mischievous. I hope you can help us instill in him discipline and understanding as he is not picking up fast enough.
I also ask that you bless my precious Steffy who is on vacation now. I have not heard from her and I hope that every step of her journey will be guided with your love and care. I pray that Terri will always be happy. She deserves happiness for always bringing happiness to others. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

=(

2006-07-02T17:35:00.000+08:00

feeling guilty and sad.. he's leg is in pain and it's all my fault. boohoo. im so evil. sigh. well, it's been a LONG day. missed cyn's bday at CHS! BOOHOO!!! =( sorry hunny. started off bad, ended well, im not sure either.. morning: went down to M1 CWP pass nicholas E61 yada yada yada in between.. err.. went down to work at Suntec. Sinhow nag n nag. expect me to have sales within one hour when my collegue who's been there d whole morning couldnt even sell one. made friends with a sweet girl Yu zhuang. She's really naturally pretty. even a guy came up to indirectly ask for her no. ^^ she's ATTACHED for a YEAR PLUS le(: her bf n her make a sweet couple. Poor perline lost her wallet! was abit moody but cheered up ltr on(: Wayne n i sold one each. dammit. ROADSHOW n such lousy sales. feeling dam guilty now. 1st, late to meet jon aka yippie. 2nd, i OVERSLEPT n met on d way to woodlands frm SEMBAWANG instead of YISHUN 3rd, he TREATED me for ICE CREAM! =) 4th, he didn't tell me he was injured and sent me ALL THE WAY HOME! PAt's right(: he's much more gorgeous now. hehe. and TALLER! thank goodness not TOO TALL like my darlin' retard! haha. gives me stiff neck
sigh.. i really hope his leg is better. when i saw the bandage.. i was like.. OWW! =(
im sorry hunk. made u walk here n there.. send me home n all.. carried n played with yan. silly yan is attached to u already! x) sigh.. take care k? and pls quit smoking okay? :(

anyways, jus checked my lovehappens.com account. ohmygut i love u guys! thanks for writing stories for me! also.. two guys replied to me! two HOT guys! ^^ haha. but too bad.. their profile.. not very sincere.. well, prayer time(:

Dear Lord, please take care of his leg. I pray it heals faster. I also pray that I have more sales tomorrow at M1. I like to thank you for blessing me with great friends again. I always fail to realise them. Thanks for showing them to me again. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.

MATH PAPER

2006-07-01T02:13:00.000+08:00

i don't believe myself. i fell asleep during MATHS paper.
shit.
Well, let's start over. i was NOT late for the paper.
We had the test with another class from CNT.
the invigilator was turned off jus cos i WORE a cap and
requested those wearing to remove it as it is a rule.
She raised her voice as if we were lil children. ugh.
haix.. and halfway through the paper, i had this terrible flu.
In addition, toopid me FELL ASLP! =(
haix.. bloody bad mood le. still hafta worry abt $.

Toopid Joanne. u know dun have enough $ le, still go kpo,
help ppl, lend ppl $. now who suffer? who no $ to even tk bus go hm?
who got THROWN OFF the bus, got scolded by driver?
WHY? cos no $ tk bus, no $ top up card. no $ cos pay bills le still not enuf $.
no $ cos i lend ppl my $. haix. i dunno wat i did to deserve this.
then when i need help, who's there? NO ONE. they jus listen n PRETEND to care.
but do they? if u ever need $, even $10, no one will lend u. WHY? cos
THEY DON'T CARE.
haix. sorry. feeling dam emo now.

anyways, had to hand up bloody timesheet,
aft sch go COMPASS POINT jus to hand it up.
what about poor yan? by the time i hand up le,
i BROKE MY PROMISE =(
didn't bring him to the movies le cos he was so tired.
my heart ache to see him drag every step. haix.
but he's still my only baobei darling who can cheer me up.
i ask him to keep quiet, yet when i hear him so animated,
my heart lights up, my spirits rise. i love him.
i dont care wat kinda idiotic look ppl gimme when they see me
WITH him. like im some f***ing young MOTHER. go to H*** u ppl.
u use ur brain can? im like 16 la. (bday coming so gonna be 17)
haix.. dunno la. hate my life. hate myself.
and where are my besties? I DON'T KNOW. probably enjoying at
RETARD'S BDAY PARTY with a BUNCH of GUYS when retard's bday is
MORE THAN 1 MONTH away. haix. sucks. everything sucks. i suck too.

im being mean. WHY? haix. i hate me. Tony's really nice though. So is jon
i mean.. im like such a bitch n they can PUT UP with it. LOL.
oh ya,

announcement

tony gave me my first bday pressie!

a maple account worth 15mil x) wow wee~
yay! ok so im gonna play maple le. hope it cheers me up.

bye everyone.

Dear Lord, please remove this bitterness inside of me. Let me be the bubbly girl once again. Lord, I pray that I won't do too badly for MST eventhough I know I did real bad. Please do some miracle and let me pass. In Jesus' Christ name. Amen.

FE paper(:

2006-06-30T02:05:00.000+08:00

i loveeeeeeee FE! super simple(: and im ANGRY and SAD cos my best buds from sec sch quarrel AND my skin won't work PROPERLY! I wanna be attached but i love staying single. why do i ALWAYS contradict myself? furthermore, im thinking why my birthdays are always SO PATHETIC?! i mean the ONLY time i had a party, my OWN friends stole my phone =(

I remember overhearing this convo once among my frens in sec sch.. they said..
whatcha gonna buy for joanne's bday? response: for what?! she also cant buy pressie for us. why bother?

haix... i love my frens esp RETARD, DEAREST & DARLING. i love Pearlyn Daniel Adu cos they waited for me. Adu u save me la!
if not i fail FE le~

u know i dunno why.. i'm sad also cos.. my bestie RETARD celebrating his bday TMR..
and HIS bday is 3 days AFTER MINE. boohoo. what am i feeling? jealousy? sobs. i hate it. so bitter. Anyways, got a date with Cyn on 1st July (her bday) at CHS.

hmm..

msgs to everyone(:
gosh
Tony u touch my heart!
muackies~
u're a gift to me too(:

Yippie (i still prefer calling u tat) u're HOTTER than me =P

Jonathan no matter how SINGLE u r, u still have ME! (:

Jonus u're getting more handsome & VAIN each day! haha.
all da best for u n jas ^^

Danny u too la! thot i couldnt recognise ur voice mehs? LOL.
stay happily attached =P

Steffy my precious daughter! mommy's worried sick for u *gulps*
careful of the flood kays? =(

Mystic/ Terri Sis! i miss u like OH-SO-MUCH!

Dennis thanks for inviting me this Sunday. haha. don't u dare forget me
AGAIN cussie ^^

Cher i love you too girl! stay cheerful. im ur BLOG rmb! tell me all(:

Asty u're always sweet. hope ur team wins WC(:

Dear Lord, No matter how bad my day gets, u always send me great pals to brighten my days. I hope i do well for maths. I LOVE YOU LORD. Amen.

2nd day

2006-06-28T17:16:00.000+08:00

second day.. LATE FOR PAPER AGAIN!!!
JAVA PAPER sucked!
=(
sigh..

i went to sch in racer back n jeans..
n cap.. AND..
w/o makeup!
LOL.. ok i got a reason but..
well..
not telling..
only he knows..
i dunno why but i feel dat i can trust him..
plus he's so nice.
he n his bestie noticed(:
thankies!
sigh..
but my own frens dunno..
haix..
dunno la..
anw, had a great chat wif Pat, Brian, Lincoln,
steffy, Kai, tony, etc..
u guys rock
and of cos my dear retard.
kays, going back to my convo with him.
nites.
God Bless you all especailly those, like me, taking the exams now.

back at sch

2006-06-27T12:19:00.000+08:00

sucks... i failed NWKESS MST!
darn pc wouldn't work. by e time i did e test (aft rebooting 10 times)
i kinda gave up le.
sobs. sigh. tmr java. wth am i doing? BLOGGING.
WHY? cos im f***king stressed! =(
sorry to those who wanna borrow money from me.
i'm broke now. i know pay jus came. i got probs.
pls understand. haix. why cant life be carefree?
y can't i overlook my differences n live happily?
why must i always have da thots of giving up?
i'm not sure. i'm not sure i can talk to anyone at all.
tell anyone what's really bothering me. cos when i do,
that person doesn't seem to care. maybe they won't undstnd
cos they dun go thru it. but they dun seem to care either.
haix. im tired of life, tired of being so empty
yet being so burdened. i'm TIRED!
when will i remove that facade n reveal da true me?

Lord, please help me understand myself. I'm starting to lose hope,
lose LOVE. help me, Lord, help me trust again. I place my trust in you.
Please hear my prayer. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

BEACHING(:

2006-06-23T19:12:00.000+08:00

miss those BEACHING days. woohoo. went to Marina today.. oohlala. im so HIGH. sad part was retard couldnt come. i so miss him. glad that da other two loves of my life were there. we spent so much crazy moments tgt. i really miss those days. imma change da blogskin soon. using wat we took today as da new one. i miss having someone to love, hug, cry on, hold hands with. i've got them but it's different. STILL, we had tons of crazee fun. we all got soakin wet. haha. sand all over even in our undies!
my ass was da worst la. haha. thank goodness for thongs! those shots at the cliff were so lovely. the ones in the water were so playful. imma edit them for all to c. the file sizes too large atm (at the moment).

shit mum found something under my bed. spoilt da day at 1st. BUT wth. im with my NNcubies. tho retard's not here. our clique is one dat's oh-so-special. 8-10 yrs of friendship. Dun play play =p

we tried floating tgt with our legs in da center. poor attempt. haha. worst still. i cant swim! boohoo. i needa hunky swimmer pls! wahaha. ilynne n i wanted to fly da kite we saw soaring above us. it was so fun ^^ i wana go kite-flying someday! feefee u promised u would! forgetful ass ex-bf. haha. miss him la. jus went to his profile.

hmm.. anyways, darling hope u n ur deardear tian chang di jiu k. dun gif up easily le wor. he said he treasures all r/s. i trust him(: he gives in to da girl he loves AND he feels da girls are always right. u'er lucky to have him. treasure him ba(:
as for me... haha... i don't like anyone. but im open enuogh to admit... i like to have a fling. haha. yes i am lonely BUT im also afraid of heartbreak. YES kenneth is such a hottie n cutie that i so want him. haha. but so NOT boyfriend material.

imma update my blog soon. NNcubie blog will not be this. this is my personal blog, ya? and erm... time for prayer.

Lord,
Thanks for giving me these wonderful friends. Thanks for opening my eyes and my heart, making me realise the beauty on earth. You have given me life. I will treasure it and make full use of it. I love you Lord. Amen.

M.O.S 18 June

2006-06-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

MOS 18 Jun.

started out BAD. was late. TCC couldn't wait any longer, went ahead.
japster was getting impatient. dearest called me.
it was the only thing that made my day. she lememe hear da live performance
of Cai Chun Jia. dearest i sooooo love u! muacks!!!
kai met up with me first. met darling. went to her dear dear's house.
ali's mum made us do dish washing! :o
went there 2hours late. japster couldnt go in!
forgot his ic. wth. haix. wasted ALOT of time thinking wat to do.
in the end he went home. wanted to seek help through connections.
spotted Kenneth Lim who's looking hot. Then his cussie Kenneth Wong who's such a cute ass. THEN Terrence who's a macho man and GUESS WHAT?
it was all futile. toopid day. waited for Kiat. he also freaking late.
went in 1st. ali, darling, kai n me. danced awhile.
kiat called n sheesh. attitude man. left da guys (they went up for drinks)
went to meet kiat. GAWD he was wearing some striped polo. EEWW!
i know we're EVIL but darling n i hid in the crowd n PS-ed him.
ok so im an asshole. SO? u dun expect my hot babe darling to be dancing..
with.. erm.. XXXX ?? haha. oh ya.. f***ing guy tried to molest darling sia.
hanky panky at da main dance hall. she n i were groovin' this malay guy,
great dancer n all, came up. started rubbing himself AGAINST her. SHEESH!
WORSE.. he tugged at her TUBE TOP from behind n kept looking at her "lumps".
asshole. SCREW YOU! no one takes advantage of my darling. pulled her away esp
cos that jerk called for "backup" n soon he had his arms around darling n
another guy dancing up behind me. wtf right?
found ali n thank goodness he kept close to her. they're so loving(:
kays.. so we sinned. a little la. erm..up to u guys to interprete that statement.
in the end we left early.
i was high. TCC i love u for putting up with my nonsense.
u responded to all my rubbish. u r a pure gentleman! muacks(:
that's all for now.

NNcubie;- da clique

2006-06-17T18:34:00.000+08:00

da clique; - NNcube & Retard(:

New skin for all.
Kryz blog ver. 8
LOL.. Enjoy.

Ps: For public viewing, username: public, password: angel
Pls note that only friends of either of the cliques can are allowed
to view. Anyone caught spreading the pw to strangers will be IP banned.

thankies ^^

manicure =D

2006-06-16T02:35:00.000+08:00

First time in my life im gonna do a manicure!
so excited..
met up with jie. she's so pretty in pink!
Went to bugis to walk around for awhile.
told jie abt my shopping exp with darling n dearest. LOL
went to da hawker centre to buy food. Told jie i dun wanna eat
BUT she go buy SO MUCH food wor. can feed 4 ppl le. LOL
headed to Nail Palace after that.. yippee!!
whoa so many colors.. so many nail arts!! *screams*
gosh im so happy(:

jie's & mine(:

look at my white rose!

hehe... prayer time(:

Dear Lord,
Thanks for this wonderful day and for blessing me with such a loving friend.
She's like a sister to me and I hope our bond will always keep growing. I wish her all the best in her relationship with Felix. She is truly a caring soul. Bless my family, especially mum. May she find a man who will see the beauty in her and give her happiness and love. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

my day with Kai ^^

2006-06-15T02:31:00.000+08:00

My day with Kai all in a nutshell(:

He met me at woodlands mrt n i was an hour late!
ugh... sorry man.
in the end, i waited for him. LOL. told him i meeting him late.
im so blur la. sorry man.
he's so nice.. we actually went from Cine
to PS GV to The Cathay BY FOOT~!
haha(:
he bought me sushi, TURKISH DELIGHT & ICE CREAM!!
we shared green tea, chips and loadsa junk food. haha.
it was definitely alot of fun. he lovesss to hit my cap though!
-.-" im short enough man.. dun hit le la.. LOL.

haha.. overall he's a fun guy (:

thanks for helping me relax.. it definitely helped going out with you.

memoriess

2006-06-14T02:55:00.000+08:00

updates on YESTERDAY
Wasn't feeling well... supposed to meet so many peeps...
but couldn't in the end.
Lucky i was still able to meet Jia Hui(iLyNNe), GiovaNNa & Retard.
they were at Bugis but went to Bishan just to meet me.
so sweet right?
Made retard wait so long... decided it was worth
all da headaches to meet him cos i so miss this asshole.
Damn him. see me only irritate the hell outta me. my head really hurt la... and he kept droning on and on with his nonsense...
anyways, retard was calling ilynne "the thing". -.-"
so childish... haha...
it was a great day, we played and took neoprints(:
i miss dearest & darling soooo much.
they rock my world(:
sweetie misses you two!

we r NN3 (NNcube)

JoaNNe, IlyNNe, GiovaNNa
(: i love you girls!

Retard (gay sister) was bloody annoying.
haha. Thank GAWD he left aft taking the shots outside the games shop
goodbye hug was so wierd. Like he seemed hesitant?...
well, we took a train back to Bugis.
Dearest, Darling & i were taking shots at Retard. haha.
meet kenneth & andrew at BK to take da stuff.
aft everything was collected, we walked around bugis...
ilynne so ahh.. LOL.. see one belt immediately buy. -.-"
and she goes around "dian" guys la.. AIYO!!!...
Gio's mum treat us to dinner. it was so yummy.
She's so shocked to see me and she's changed alot too(:
So has Jeanette. Jean's got such a great complexion.
yippee...
so happy that i get to go Ilynne's place to stayover.
it was so fun. gosh.. we talked alot of rubbish..
shared everything abt ourselves. gosh ilynne is so vain!
haha. i mean she's got so much knowledge on facial care,
hair care, etc.
so kool man(: thanks darling for sharing the tips!
BUT she ar.. talk to her dear dear until forget me n dearest le.
so sad. boohoo.
well..finally she hung up. BUT while me n dearest putting masks,
she bz watching tv. LOL. WORST!! she fell ASLEEP! pang seh kia! =p
dearest is soooo sweet. she rocks my world. we talked so much,
teased the hell outta retard. LOL. while darling talking to her dear dear.
Talk until 4 am then we all fell aslp. then darling woke up -.-"
she's a PIG k. slp earliest... woke up latest. haha

Today
supposed to wake up for McD brekky at 8am but we all woke around 9 plus.. Darling is so piggy. call her up so many times she either no response and can still go back to bed! =.=
by the time we left the house.. already 11am.
I borrowed this lovely shawl thing frm darling cos i dun wanna wear same clothes as ytd la..
moreover, im heading back to Bugis later on..
so WRONG if wear same clothes!..
We took alot of time tryin to put eyeliner and mascara on
dearest. hehe. but in the end, dearest so chio wor~
we went to McD and ended up buying drinks ONLY.
LOL.. in the Q.. Darling & dearest were "fighting" and
Ilynne suddenly shouted at dearest in such a fierce tone..
The lady infront turned and had a shocked expression
she suddenly said "wa u so fierce ah!" so loudly..
LOL. OH and i really love the bridge at Geylang East where
Ilynne lives cos there's SLOPE. so gd for me n my sexy heels. haha
well, we met retard n i felt he was acting wierd towards darling...
maybe im jus too sensitive.
i was so happy.
saw Aunty Molly, Aunty Anne, Aunty Jenny Chia, Aunty Jennifer,
Aunty Helen and realised that so much has changed.
it's so painful to look at them.. to see how irresponsible
they r... so ill-disciplined. one of d boys actually HIT ilynne.
my GUT! but there's sweeties like Kelly. sooo heart warming(:
i loved da part when she kissed me goodbye!
she kissed all of us! ^^
gosh i so love kelly. muack.

Aunty Jennifer & me(:

NNcube & da extra RETARD. LOL

i had so much fun with TCC.
He's such a gentleman n he wore GREEN! my fave color ^^
he helped me carry my jacket, bag and all da stuff i got.
he accompanied me all around B.S (Bugis Street)
and gave me opinions on perfumes!
he's got gd dress sense n he's just like me! WE HATE TEES!! LOL.
afterwards.. we went to da National Lib. Damned da place is HUGE.
we climbed 5 stories and still could NOT
find da bloody library books. haha.
guess what? da lib at B1 -.-"
the lib was BIG n comfy!
I was looking for a Danielle Steel book when i noticed
this couple sitting on the ground...
the guy kept looking at my legs.. LOL..
and his girl pinched his nipple so hard! OUCH!
i feel his pain man. LOL. i went back to TCC giggling to myself.
i fell aslp soon aft n TCC was so nice,
made space for me to lie down(:
i slept like a log until da librarian woke me up n told me
it wasn't allowed to SLEEP IN THE LIBRARY.
Gosh that was embarrassing. It was almost 8pm le! :o
decided i should eat. LOL.
KFC daily saver's is Shrooms Meal is so great(:
haha. TCC just watched me eat so poor thing.
cos he's broke. spent all his pay on a pair of jeans.
Worth it cos honestly, the jeans is so kool!
makes him look HOT. haha. seriously...
oh.. and he's so nice! asked me take bus.. then he so sweet!
sent me home(: all da way home. u're so great TCC.
i love u man! haha. i was counting stars and feeling so blessed.
having my dearest, darling, retard and even TCC(:
eventhough life is bloody tough sometimes...
i still look at the wonders and the good in it all.
^^

Dear Lord,
Thanks for blessing me with the little but wonderful times
of happiness. i know u know deep down inside, i'm still hiding the pain and sadness. Still, i believe that staying happy and putting on a happy facade is for everyone's good, even my own. it might just help me brighten my outlook. Lord, please help my current situation. Bless my dear retard too. Hope he doesn't get into too much trouble. I pray you will help him and his mum heal the wounds they've inflicted upon each other's hearts. They both love each other so much. It hurts to see him so torn between his mum and i. it hurts to know he has to hide so much from the one he loves the most for the sake of me. i just want him to be happy, Lord. Regardless of whether we will continue to be as close to each other in future. I really don't mind him being close to Sarah. As long as he's happier. His life is in a huge mess now. it always has been just not as bad. i really miss the nights we shared and i hope, Lord, that he will find happiness no matter what path he takes, what decisions he make and know that i'll always be there. Maybe not physically but in my heart, he's a very special friend. Definitely more than just a friend but not in the relationship sense. Lord, bless my dearest too. she's stuck in a dilemma. i hope she'll find the solution as she deserves happiness. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

it's been a great day

2006-06-10T02:31:00.000+08:00

it's been a great day. Met ash and whoa was he gorgeous(:
in addition, took some wonderful pics with him.
will upload them soon. Went to watch Cars with him and enjoyed it a hell lot(:
being with him is always so fun!
we went to Compass Point in d morning. he took a cab jus cos he's late! -.-"
i've already told him NOT to. He felt the urge to buy some candies so ended up picking $5 worth of candy mix. LOL. including yummy marsh mallows for me!
muacks i love u honey! <33 haha. he's really the love of my life in a best friend sorta way.
never be able to find another person like him. he's sweet, loving, handsome, gentlemanly
and everything girls want their boyfriends to be(:

After our great movie, he helped me search Popular (2nd time that day) for the book:
Learn to Program Java
damned this book is hard to find!

Met ***** afterwards to watch The Omen. Quite ok. Not as thrilling cos the plot was like so boring but the sound effects made me freak! haha.
da guy beside him was like "ugh~! ugh~!" haha.
He looked soooooooooo chapalan today while i looked so formal.
Gonna miss him once he enters NS. Damned. So many of my pals is in/going to NS.
haix. u guys take good care k?
Joanne misses u guys!

haha. i miss da fun that only guys can provide cos they abandon their self-consciousness
and act like some morons which can provide unlimited jokes and laughter(:

and YES Joanne is LONELY.
sad sad me. i fell for a guy who's already in love with a girl and
obviously she loves him back cos
guys i like are always a tough catch. LOL

missing ashley LOADS.
haha. bestie i love u forever(:
thanks for coming back. i know im SELFISH but i can't help it x)

sidetracks:
i decided to stick to this skin for awhile
despite plenty of MISUNDERSTANDINGS
No time to make a new skin plus i love my "old look". haha.
i wanna start a shop blog! anyone wanna do it with me?
LOL. msn me kays(:

kays. guess i gotta go continue the CRS stuff.
nights.

paiin.

2006-06-08T16:52:00.000+08:00

im in pain
the heart was ripped from me
i chose my path..
broken hearts may nv be mended
tears that trickle down my cheeks may nv be noticed.
the smile that was always there nv held happiness.

i give up on myself.
give up on life.
i miss love.

new blogskin(:

2006-03-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

Yea yea. made this messy orange thing. orange = my fave color, music notes = i love music. mess = i'm complicated & love mess. Finally completed coding + skin. Really tired. Anw, jus short update abt ytd. Was still unwell. Made new friends: Bao Man aka SUNDAY n got to know Banana 3 aka B3 better. Zach is a total hunk. haha. he's got dreamy eyes, charming looks and attractive character. SINGLE too. he's in NP; Business. haha. i'm like advertising him x) shall stop here. Desmond and Shawn are just so LAME. U 2 must zhang da leh. haha. too playful le. want to bootlick me. Sorry, i'm not so naive. Asked me take pic today. kia si lang ar. haha. i thought i was the photgrapher, turned out they wanted to photograph me. -.-" Never sold a THING today. =(
Met Kenneth for my 1hr break. his friends: Calvin and Shawn, really nice peeps. Friendly and humourous.
missing the feeling of missing a bf. =.= yea i'm lame.
Aiyo, save me from this self-torture. im writing this against my will! such admissions are simply so embararssing.

Lord, I just want to say thanks for Mum. She made me bread today. We went to woodlands mrt together. Darling Yan is just so smart now. Thanks for giving me such a wonderful family. Although we have our rough times, the sweet moments; however rare, will always be treasured.

i miss Sappy Xiao Shuai Ge. <33

Cher mei, it's ok if u can't meet for our tanning session at Sentosa supposedly today. I still love u hunny. Have u bought ur bikini? Anw, stay happy. U deserve happiness. =)
Emily mei, hope ur leg's better. if it hurts, pls don't go for ur volleyball training. it's just gonna make it worse. AND u won't turn "rusty". u'll always be the best. the only gal who can make me smile even today when i feel my worst; sick, depressed at NO sales and confused. u made me smile. love u sweetie.

By the way, anyone kind enough to top up my m1 hi card for me? T.T running low on value le. *cries*